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JOKES AND STUFF
Newer
Jokes are posted on my yearly Cams - for snow pics and funnies, click
on Snow Cam 2007
Men
Are Just Happier People:
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one
is
just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Her Wedding dress - $5000. Your Tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.Good One Spaceman!
Coaching
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old
baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is?
What a team is?'
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together
as a team?'
The little boy nodded yes.
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you
shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-ead. Do
you understand all that?
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a
chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb
ass' is it?'
Again the little boy nodded.
'Good,' said the coach. 'Now go over there and explain all that to your
grandmother'.
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Hee hee...... some funny ones from my brother Steve :
1. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path
2. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
3. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
4. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids
5. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick
6. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
7. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
8. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..
9. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
10. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
11. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
12. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
13. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
14. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
15. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
16. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
17. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
18. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
19. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
20. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile.
Gotta love this doorbell! We need one at the
Motel!!
Michaela sent
me this picture of a Plumber with a sense of humor!
Look how cute! A White Black
Bear? Photos taken near Gordon WI
Rob sent me a funny one - 
My buddy in Kentucky sent
me this wall mural in a NYC Men's restroom. Designed by an all women
company - Edge Designs
Doug sent a funny
one!! 
Dad sent this -
lol!
A husband goes home and says to his wife, "Do you know what GST stands for?"
She said "No."
He said "It means Good Sex Tonight."
She said "oh really."
He said, "Yeah really, what are my chances?"
She said "About 7%."
Oh man! Check out this awesome
haircut!!! 
LOL!
Hee hee! I love this Cartoon!
Check out this Beautiful Albino Deer
Fawn!!
LOL Hutch! Good One! -
NEWFOUNDLAND 911
"Hello, is this the RCMP?"
"Yes. How may I help you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbour, Mike Fitzpatrick! He's hiding drugs
inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the RCMP SWAT team officers descended on Mike's house.
They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted
open every piece of wood, but found no drugs. They swore at Mike, he swore at
them, and then they left.
The next day, the phone rang at Mike's house...
"Hey, Mike! Did the RCMP come to your house?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas, buddy."
The ULTIMATE in Women's Body Piercing ...
Men all over the country are urging their wives and sweethearts to get this 'chic' new procedure.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling
water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly
removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone
else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using
the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few
minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be
afraid to cough.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape
lol Mom! Thanks for
the joke of the day!
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LIVING WILL
A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to
her:
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state
dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."
His wife gets up and unplugs the TV. |
A funny one from my
brother Rob. Another
"Not My Job" Award Winner.
Here's some funny ones! The Redneck
Christmas Lawn Deer
and the coolest Fridge Magnet
Ever!!!
Indian
Yoga VS Irish Yoga!
Marty and Gundi sent me
this pumpkin. Too funny!
I
love this Poker Joke! I had to share it with you!
Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear. Shocked by this, John
upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Sue followed
and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
Surprised by Sue's boldness, John courageously admitted that, indeed he did.
She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After taking a second or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that
since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house at 2 p.m. the following Friday.
When Friday came around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp
and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and
closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this
afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a
few minutes this afternoon."
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did
he give you $500?"
In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering
her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and
borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player! |
Shopping in
Foreign Countries
A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says "Do you know me?".
She replies "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says, "Wow! Are you the stripper from my bachelor party? The one that I had sex with on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped me with a celery stalk?"
She frowned and said, "No, I'm your son's Math teacher." |
Mike Abbott sent me a picture of his Piggy Bank after he bought gas today.
lol!
Gas Jokes - Way
too funny!!!
This is for the Ladies - 
A fancy knife holder! lol!!
Some funny Pet Pics
This is great! A new keyboard
for men.
Redneck
Shooting Contest
Nice
Hunting Hat!
Wow! I've always
wanted to do this! Press left side of your mouse, and write your name:
Try It!
Oh oh - a terrible
accident. It's very graphic, but it looks like there are some
survivors
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Shirley from the Mohawk
Motel said, "It is amazing what people do to each other :))) especially
when they are drunk!!
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The
Number One Selling Christmas Gift in Newfoundland
Martha
Stewarts Maxi Slippers
Oh yah,
we all knew there was a book!!
Inspirational
Posters (Every work place
should have these)
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You might be a Redneck
if..............
What happens when
you have:
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1) nothing to do
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2) a sharp knife
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3) a large lime
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4) a patient cat
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| 5) too much
tequila |
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6) and it's
football season?
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Click here to
find out
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The 4
Stages of Life
1. You believe in Santa Clause
2. You don't believe in Santa
Clause
3. You are Santa Clause
4. You look like Santa Clause |
Here are some really cool pics!
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Hey Folks, Remember these pics of
Paris and Nicole on last year's snow cam?
I received an email that read:
"I am a freelance
journalist from Chicago and I am currently writing a book on Celebutantes.
During my research I ran across your picture on your website of Paris
Hilton & Nicole Richie at your motel. If there is anyone there
that would be willing to do an interview, I would appreciate it.
Too Funny!
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